Weight: No change
Libido: General arousal but not what could be deemed horniness.
Skin: Noticeably oily, especially my T-zone (forehead and nose), a little on my cheeks and a little bit of breaking out on my chin.
Hair: First time since cutting my hair short that I've seen more than one or two hairs loose when I showered. I saw a half dozen which was a lot.
Body Hair: No change
Dosage: 50mg
Amount of time on T: 1 week
Build: No change
Menstruation: N/A
Energy Level: Haven't been sleeping well, so my energy has been a bit low.
Voice: Throat is sore off and on, off and on my voice feels higher and lower but nothing obvious.
Misc: N/A
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Day 1
So a little over 24 hours ago, I got my first shot of T. We had to go to Greenlane hospital so Shannon could be taught how to do the injections and that was really cool for her.
Anyways, back tracking a bit. So the night before my injection, Shan and I both had trouble falling asleep. I don't think it was any special reason why, not nerves for the next day and the step we would be taking so much as we just couldn't fall asleep. Neither of us are particularly morning people if we can help it, so when morning came by we hadn't been sleeping that long.
I am one of those people who doesn't function particularly well without sleep. I need about 5 hours or I get exceptionally emotional and sometimes my heart can race a little. It's like having a battery undercharged, it's still trying to do all the work you need it to do, it just doesn't have the juice. So that was me for the first part of yesterday.
The alarm went off and there was no way I was going back to sleep. We'd given ourselves an hour to get out the door to get across town to Greenlane. Shan wasn't ready to get up so I got up and got ready, did my audio recording (that went on my last blog- I lied about the date but it was still my voice pre-t), and then I got Shan up. We ended up out the door exactly when we had intended to leave which is not very like us but good.
We missed the traffic rush, so we ended up at the hospital about 15 minutes early. We had to pick up my bottle of T that we'd be taking home. It was this tiny little thing, 100mg/ml - so a thousand mgs- which is about 8 doses for me with a little left over. It cost me 3 dollars. You heard it 3 dollars. I never imagined it'd cost that little, but I wasn't going to argue. So we got it and then went upstairs.
We were in the waiting room until the exact minute of my appointment when the nurse came in. She was awesome, excited to teach Shan and very cool. As we walked to the room, I noticed a guy from GenderBridge was there getting some fasting tests done before he started T. We got set up in the office and went to talk to him. We were seeing the same Endo, but unlike me he hadn't challenged the doctor's usual methods of starting on pills at 25 mg and slowly working up to full dose then converting to full dose shots. He didn't even really know that was an option, to challenge the system to get more. Only that no matter what subsidized option he chose he would have to start very low and work his way up.
We chatted for a bit then headed to the room again. The nurse had finished setting up and getting everything ready while we talked with Jay and then she walked Shannon through everything. I mean everything. How to determine the dose of something if the bottle is in a different level of dosage, how to do the math on that, how to identify good injection locations, how to draw the needle and get it ready- slowly cause all Testosterone uses oil as a base, mine was cotton seed oil... and then it was the magic time. I chose to do it standing cause for some reason, laying down kinda sounds worse to me. The needle was a .22 gauge and looked a lot bigger than it felt. I relaxed my leg and she counted to three to inject it. I totally thought it'd be like "Okay, on the count of three I'll do it. One -STICK-" but no she waited til three... I braced myself (while trying to keep my leg relaxed) and then it was in. It didn't hurt at all.
Like it actually was the slightest of pinches and then when it came out it was hardly noticeable. It isn't sore even today. There was no ache, a little itchy but that was all in my head because the itch migrated all over my ass. It was all in all painless.
We got some needles and what not that we'd need for the injections and then headed out. We were having dinner company over and we had to finish cleaning and get some stuff picked up for the meal. We had a bit of scrambling, but by 3 we had gotten everything pretty much ready. I didn't have much prepwork left for dinner and we had a spotless house. During that time anything I felt, I was questioning if it was the T 'kicking in'. Always it was no and it eventually drove Shan crazy a little.
Our guests were coming around 5-ish so we planned to nap a little and went to bed around 3:30 and I didn't really sleep but I rested (and boy did I need it!) but Shan was out like a light. I was up around 4:40, cause I didn't want to be in bed if they came early. I let her stay in bed until 5. But our guests ended up caught in traffic and weren't here until 6. Oh well, I wouldn't have slept and we got some more last minute stuff done around the house.
They came and were here until about 9:30 when they had to head home. It was a good dinner, but kinda exhausting. By 10, I was struggling to stay awake and by 11 I called it a night. It only lasted for about 20 minutes before just laying down recharged me. I was wide awake so I went to the gym. I noticed my skin felt a little oily on my face on the drive there but nothing else felt different.
I was a bit sore and tired at the gym, I normally start with 15 minutes of cardio and go to the weight machines, then go to the free weights, then do some weights and end with 5 more of cardio. But I only did about 10 minutes on the bike (which wasn't as cardio intensive as the full body machines I normally use) and then a lot of short burst machine work. With free wights I did a lot more, especially my arms, and pretty much worked myself until I was tired again. I had expected it to be 15-20 mins of overall work but it was closer to 40 before I really felt DONE.
I've set a goal for myself (aside from losing weight) that I want to be able to do chin-ups... to have that kind of arm strength. I've never been able to do them and I really want to be able to. I was able to do several reps at 100 pounds without much difficulty so I'll work my way up.
So okay, that's my boring boring day. My face is a little oily, my voice seems normal, no magical facial hair or anything. Nothing too exciting except I'm going to go see Tron tonight.
Weight: No change
Libido: No real change, a little excited but I can naturally be that way.
Skin: The only real change I've felt and could point at and say 'this is new' is my face has been a bit oily.
Hair: No change
Body Hair: No change
Dosage: 50mg
Amount of time on T: 1 day
Build: No change
Menstruation: N/A
Energy Level: Exhausted most of the day (due to lack of sleep), had an hour nap and still remained fairly tired. Went to bed early (11pm) about 20 minutes of laying there I got really energetic and went to the gym. Only anticipated doing a 15 minute work out and did a 1/2 hour.
Voice: Throat is sore, not sure if it's from the heat and humidity and having to have constant fans on, allergies, or T.
Misc: N/A
Anyways, back tracking a bit. So the night before my injection, Shan and I both had trouble falling asleep. I don't think it was any special reason why, not nerves for the next day and the step we would be taking so much as we just couldn't fall asleep. Neither of us are particularly morning people if we can help it, so when morning came by we hadn't been sleeping that long.
I am one of those people who doesn't function particularly well without sleep. I need about 5 hours or I get exceptionally emotional and sometimes my heart can race a little. It's like having a battery undercharged, it's still trying to do all the work you need it to do, it just doesn't have the juice. So that was me for the first part of yesterday.
The alarm went off and there was no way I was going back to sleep. We'd given ourselves an hour to get out the door to get across town to Greenlane. Shan wasn't ready to get up so I got up and got ready, did my audio recording (that went on my last blog- I lied about the date but it was still my voice pre-t), and then I got Shan up. We ended up out the door exactly when we had intended to leave which is not very like us but good.
We missed the traffic rush, so we ended up at the hospital about 15 minutes early. We had to pick up my bottle of T that we'd be taking home. It was this tiny little thing, 100mg/ml - so a thousand mgs- which is about 8 doses for me with a little left over. It cost me 3 dollars. You heard it 3 dollars. I never imagined it'd cost that little, but I wasn't going to argue. So we got it and then went upstairs.
We were in the waiting room until the exact minute of my appointment when the nurse came in. She was awesome, excited to teach Shan and very cool. As we walked to the room, I noticed a guy from GenderBridge was there getting some fasting tests done before he started T. We got set up in the office and went to talk to him. We were seeing the same Endo, but unlike me he hadn't challenged the doctor's usual methods of starting on pills at 25 mg and slowly working up to full dose then converting to full dose shots. He didn't even really know that was an option, to challenge the system to get more. Only that no matter what subsidized option he chose he would have to start very low and work his way up.
We chatted for a bit then headed to the room again. The nurse had finished setting up and getting everything ready while we talked with Jay and then she walked Shannon through everything. I mean everything. How to determine the dose of something if the bottle is in a different level of dosage, how to do the math on that, how to identify good injection locations, how to draw the needle and get it ready- slowly cause all Testosterone uses oil as a base, mine was cotton seed oil... and then it was the magic time. I chose to do it standing cause for some reason, laying down kinda sounds worse to me. The needle was a .22 gauge and looked a lot bigger than it felt. I relaxed my leg and she counted to three to inject it. I totally thought it'd be like "Okay, on the count of three I'll do it. One -STICK-" but no she waited til three... I braced myself (while trying to keep my leg relaxed) and then it was in. It didn't hurt at all.
Like it actually was the slightest of pinches and then when it came out it was hardly noticeable. It isn't sore even today. There was no ache, a little itchy but that was all in my head because the itch migrated all over my ass. It was all in all painless.
We got some needles and what not that we'd need for the injections and then headed out. We were having dinner company over and we had to finish cleaning and get some stuff picked up for the meal. We had a bit of scrambling, but by 3 we had gotten everything pretty much ready. I didn't have much prepwork left for dinner and we had a spotless house. During that time anything I felt, I was questioning if it was the T 'kicking in'. Always it was no and it eventually drove Shan crazy a little.
Our guests were coming around 5-ish so we planned to nap a little and went to bed around 3:30 and I didn't really sleep but I rested (and boy did I need it!) but Shan was out like a light. I was up around 4:40, cause I didn't want to be in bed if they came early. I let her stay in bed until 5. But our guests ended up caught in traffic and weren't here until 6. Oh well, I wouldn't have slept and we got some more last minute stuff done around the house.
They came and were here until about 9:30 when they had to head home. It was a good dinner, but kinda exhausting. By 10, I was struggling to stay awake and by 11 I called it a night. It only lasted for about 20 minutes before just laying down recharged me. I was wide awake so I went to the gym. I noticed my skin felt a little oily on my face on the drive there but nothing else felt different.
I was a bit sore and tired at the gym, I normally start with 15 minutes of cardio and go to the weight machines, then go to the free weights, then do some weights and end with 5 more of cardio. But I only did about 10 minutes on the bike (which wasn't as cardio intensive as the full body machines I normally use) and then a lot of short burst machine work. With free wights I did a lot more, especially my arms, and pretty much worked myself until I was tired again. I had expected it to be 15-20 mins of overall work but it was closer to 40 before I really felt DONE.
I've set a goal for myself (aside from losing weight) that I want to be able to do chin-ups... to have that kind of arm strength. I've never been able to do them and I really want to be able to. I was able to do several reps at 100 pounds without much difficulty so I'll work my way up.
So okay, that's my boring boring day. My face is a little oily, my voice seems normal, no magical facial hair or anything. Nothing too exciting except I'm going to go see Tron tonight.
Weight: No change
Libido: No real change, a little excited but I can naturally be that way.
Skin: The only real change I've felt and could point at and say 'this is new' is my face has been a bit oily.
Hair: No change
Body Hair: No change
Dosage: 50mg
Amount of time on T: 1 day
Build: No change
Menstruation: N/A
Energy Level: Exhausted most of the day (due to lack of sleep), had an hour nap and still remained fairly tired. Went to bed early (11pm) about 20 minutes of laying there I got really energetic and went to the gym. Only anticipated doing a 15 minute work out and did a 1/2 hour.
Voice: Throat is sore, not sure if it's from the heat and humidity and having to have constant fans on, allergies, or T.
Misc: N/A
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Update
I wish I could say that I haven't really been blogging because there hasn't been anything going on but I think it's been so much but in such tiny morsels here and there. It really hasn't really felt like much at the time but looking back it's been a very, very busy few months.
So okay, I've recently really gotten involved with GenderBride which was the group I was mostly talking about last time. I'm now their coordinator since it became vacant and I wanted to volunteer. It's pretty sweet. I'm 100% immersed there and supported 100% on it. I keep getting called guy and bloke by the Kiwi's I work with and each time it just is like a huge boost to my esteem. I'm finding I'm just generally more happy. I can have intense anxiety about social situations but I haven't once felt it there. I've got some really great friends there too now, which is really nice in and of itself. Shan's also finding a lot of support with other partners which is great for her. She's come around almost completely. She still slips and calls me 'she' but she's working on it. She's even on the board of GenderBridge.
We also went to a NZTransguys party and met some other guys. One guy had his chest done in August and it looked AMAZING. He had a keyhole surgery so it wouldn't be the results I had at all, but Shan was fascinated by how good he looked. He had been transitioning for 2 years and looked flawless. He was 17-19 when he started so he's still young, but still, it was the total ideal you know? Looked more like a guy than a lot of guys I've known in my life.
On the medical front, I had an appointment with an Endocrinologist named Dr. Ian Holdaway. He is very familiar with the transition process and very thorough during our first session. He gave me a check up and we talked T options. He likes to go gently, often prescribing pills instead of shots to start with low dosages. He doesn't like "jarring the body" with high doses of T in general, it was a long discussion before he would consider giving me 50-100mg versus 25mg shots to start.
But first I had to get my psych clearance. Dr. Holdaway first referred me to Dr. Louise Armstrong, but after 5 weeks she finally got back to him to inform him she wasn't taking patients. So I was then referred to Dr. Ian Goodwin and was in to see him within two weeks. Shan came with me and by the time our session was done, he gave the thumbs up and was 100% behind me getting on T and pursuing this. Since it had been 7 weeks since my appointment with Holdaway I set up an appointment in advance to meet with Holdaway again so that he could do my prescription and we could get this ball rolling. Dr. Goodwin was willing to expedite his letter for me, instead of two weeks he had it done and sent out in two days.
So yesterday I met with Holdaway again. This time Shan was able to come and we had a lot of the same conversations. He was set on pills (which I've heard nothing but horror stories about in US blogs and I'm not keen on), then he suggested the cream (which can rub off onto Shan and since she has PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome - and that means she has too much testosterone for her parts to work properly... so I didn't want her getting any more through me). He then suggested the patch, which we talked about me not having a good history of patches. I break out with them and have a tendency to pick things off of me (like bandaids or patches) if they piss me off. We then talked about doing implants as well, which is WAY out of my price range considering it'd have to be done in the hospital and I'd have to pay for that.
It seemed like he was really beating around giving me the shots, like any option was better. But then we had the same conversation, he wanted to start me off at 25mg for 3 months, then up to 50 for 2, then 75 for 2 then 100. And it was like, WTF? We already talked this out buddy. It took about 10 minutes and a lot of everything to get him to agree to the 50 to start, and even that might change before my first shot. I hope to god he doesn't give me 25 or I'll just add 25 more at home. I'm going to be getting a 1000cc bottle to self administer at home. It is a lot better option than the 100 bottles that are single use, so I'd be tossing a lot of T out because I couldn't use it. It just wasn't financially sound either. The bigger bottle was just a better choice for me.
So tomorrow, I have my first shot. The nurses are going to teach Shan how to do the shots so we can do it at home from now on. I will also get paperwork to do a blood test in three weeks to just see where my testosterone levels are. I won't have to see him for 3 months at that point to do a full check up and see where I am and how I'm doing with everything. I won't find out until tomorrow if he went with 25 or 50 but I hope larger. He's considering it because I have slightly elevated testosterone levels already. The average girl has a level of 2, boys have from 8-30. I had 3.5. Oooh. So HIGH. *sarcasm inserted*. He also worries about my blood thickening too much or my cholesterol getting bad but it's just undue concern. I have a great cholesterol level and I feel like I have really thin blood (mostly cause it takes me forever to heal from anything). But who knows.
Alright so below is what I am going to call my 'Stats' section. I'm going to record a bunch of different things as I transition to see how I progress.
Weight: 285 lb (130kg)
Libido: Kinda there but not pressing.
Skin: Broke out a little before my last menstruation but cleared up. A couple little blemishes under my breasts from where sweat has accumulated while binding. Nothing big or noticeable. Skin is mostly clear, non oily.
Hair: I generally have thinner hair. I just got my hair cut and it is still growing pretty quickly. No existing bald spots or masculine hairline.
Body Hair: Pits and legs. Light arm hair, very fine facial peach fuzz and happy trail.
Dosage: Not on T.
Amount of time on T: Not on T.
Build: Overweight, 5'9.5", decent leg, arm, and shoulder strength, poor back strength
Menstruation: Finished a very light cycle today. Only a couple days long and light the whole way through.
Energy Level: Low energy. Worked out yesterday and over worked stomach so it's sore to move which is given me as much excuse as I need to not go to the gym today.
Voice: Normal pre-T voice. Alto vocal range.
Misc: Shoe size 10.5 US
If anyone wants anything else tracked, let me know.
So okay, I've recently really gotten involved with GenderBride which was the group I was mostly talking about last time. I'm now their coordinator since it became vacant and I wanted to volunteer. It's pretty sweet. I'm 100% immersed there and supported 100% on it. I keep getting called guy and bloke by the Kiwi's I work with and each time it just is like a huge boost to my esteem. I'm finding I'm just generally more happy. I can have intense anxiety about social situations but I haven't once felt it there. I've got some really great friends there too now, which is really nice in and of itself. Shan's also finding a lot of support with other partners which is great for her. She's come around almost completely. She still slips and calls me 'she' but she's working on it. She's even on the board of GenderBridge.
We also went to a NZTransguys party and met some other guys. One guy had his chest done in August and it looked AMAZING. He had a keyhole surgery so it wouldn't be the results I had at all, but Shan was fascinated by how good he looked. He had been transitioning for 2 years and looked flawless. He was 17-19 when he started so he's still young, but still, it was the total ideal you know? Looked more like a guy than a lot of guys I've known in my life.
On the medical front, I had an appointment with an Endocrinologist named Dr. Ian Holdaway. He is very familiar with the transition process and very thorough during our first session. He gave me a check up and we talked T options. He likes to go gently, often prescribing pills instead of shots to start with low dosages. He doesn't like "jarring the body" with high doses of T in general, it was a long discussion before he would consider giving me 50-100mg versus 25mg shots to start.
But first I had to get my psych clearance. Dr. Holdaway first referred me to Dr. Louise Armstrong, but after 5 weeks she finally got back to him to inform him she wasn't taking patients. So I was then referred to Dr. Ian Goodwin and was in to see him within two weeks. Shan came with me and by the time our session was done, he gave the thumbs up and was 100% behind me getting on T and pursuing this. Since it had been 7 weeks since my appointment with Holdaway I set up an appointment in advance to meet with Holdaway again so that he could do my prescription and we could get this ball rolling. Dr. Goodwin was willing to expedite his letter for me, instead of two weeks he had it done and sent out in two days.
So yesterday I met with Holdaway again. This time Shan was able to come and we had a lot of the same conversations. He was set on pills (which I've heard nothing but horror stories about in US blogs and I'm not keen on), then he suggested the cream (which can rub off onto Shan and since she has PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome - and that means she has too much testosterone for her parts to work properly... so I didn't want her getting any more through me). He then suggested the patch, which we talked about me not having a good history of patches. I break out with them and have a tendency to pick things off of me (like bandaids or patches) if they piss me off. We then talked about doing implants as well, which is WAY out of my price range considering it'd have to be done in the hospital and I'd have to pay for that.
It seemed like he was really beating around giving me the shots, like any option was better. But then we had the same conversation, he wanted to start me off at 25mg for 3 months, then up to 50 for 2, then 75 for 2 then 100. And it was like, WTF? We already talked this out buddy. It took about 10 minutes and a lot of everything to get him to agree to the 50 to start, and even that might change before my first shot. I hope to god he doesn't give me 25 or I'll just add 25 more at home. I'm going to be getting a 1000cc bottle to self administer at home. It is a lot better option than the 100 bottles that are single use, so I'd be tossing a lot of T out because I couldn't use it. It just wasn't financially sound either. The bigger bottle was just a better choice for me.
So tomorrow, I have my first shot. The nurses are going to teach Shan how to do the shots so we can do it at home from now on. I will also get paperwork to do a blood test in three weeks to just see where my testosterone levels are. I won't have to see him for 3 months at that point to do a full check up and see where I am and how I'm doing with everything. I won't find out until tomorrow if he went with 25 or 50 but I hope larger. He's considering it because I have slightly elevated testosterone levels already. The average girl has a level of 2, boys have from 8-30. I had 3.5. Oooh. So HIGH. *sarcasm inserted*. He also worries about my blood thickening too much or my cholesterol getting bad but it's just undue concern. I have a great cholesterol level and I feel like I have really thin blood (mostly cause it takes me forever to heal from anything). But who knows.
Alright so below is what I am going to call my 'Stats' section. I'm going to record a bunch of different things as I transition to see how I progress.
Weight: 285 lb (130kg)
Libido: Kinda there but not pressing.
Skin: Broke out a little before my last menstruation but cleared up. A couple little blemishes under my breasts from where sweat has accumulated while binding. Nothing big or noticeable. Skin is mostly clear, non oily.
Hair: I generally have thinner hair. I just got my hair cut and it is still growing pretty quickly. No existing bald spots or masculine hairline.
Body Hair: Pits and legs. Light arm hair, very fine facial peach fuzz and happy trail.
Dosage: Not on T.
Amount of time on T: Not on T.
Build: Overweight, 5'9.5", decent leg, arm, and shoulder strength, poor back strength
Menstruation: Finished a very light cycle today. Only a couple days long and light the whole way through.
Energy Level: Low energy. Worked out yesterday and over worked stomach so it's sore to move which is given me as much excuse as I need to not go to the gym today.
Voice: Normal pre-T voice. Alto vocal range.
Misc: Shoe size 10.5 US
If anyone wants anything else tracked, let me know.
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