So, it's been a while. I think it's time to just accept the fact I suck and it'll be a while between them. Oh well. So anyway, everything's been going well. I've been busy, telling my coming out story at different schools and work with Genderbridge. I also did some volunteering for a Queer Youth Hui called Kazam, hosted by Rainbow Youth. I did a bit of filming and made a video which was well received. There were a ton of transguys there and I got to talking. Cue idiot point 1. The big one.
There was a guy there who had told me about how he pretty much abused T, taking a huge dose quite frequently… it caused him to have really rapid results physically but shut down emotionally. A couple other guys talked about how they were all over 200 (most at 250) and I got T envy. I'd had my shot the Friday before (it was now Monday) and I got a bit obsessed with it. I was at 200 so after 2 days of deliberation with myself (and without talking to the wife- again idiot move) I injected myself with 50 more. I did it myself, into my thigh. It was surprisingly hard for me to do it. I kept freaking out about doing it and so I ended up putting it in quite slowly. It didn't hurt going in or out and I thought I was quite smart. I ended up confessing to Shan what I'd done and being an idiot boy I thought there was no big deal. The next week I had the worst heartburn of my life. I couldn't eat without agony following, I also had a bit of a mood swing. Lesson learned. I didn't have any magic growth spurts or anything that I had in my head that would happen, I just pissed off my wife- got in a fight, and then had heartburn as payback.
We agreed to raise the dose this time, as long as I was honest about it to the doctor. We'd see if it did anything that I hoped or if it kept the heartburn and slight insomnia it caused. My doctor would be happy to keep me at a low dose, but I'm six months in and I'm not as far as I feel I should be. I'm further ahead of another guy who uses my endo and fully started slow, I at least argued to go a bit faster… but even that is still 'slow' in the spectrum of things. I just want to have my voice finally start to settle instead of being the constant breaking it is now. I'd like to have some sign of stubble, sideburns, or something. It's really hard to not be disheartened since I'm six months in and feel like I'm at the level I should've been at three months.
Anyway, I saw my psychiatrist and my endo and they both gave me a thumbs up for top surgery. My endo was going to refer me into the free system on the Shore. No dice. The one doctor he knew of no longer does it. I called every clinic I could find online on the shore, no one has any doctor who does it free. The Auckland DHB was my only option so I'm going to temporarily be residing at a friend's house to qualify for the DHB. I've got an appointment on the 29th to get my initial consultation done and hopefully it'll be under six months from then. I've spent the last few days looking at more male chests than I think I ever have. I'm really looking into what I want and what I don't want so that I can make the best decision possible for the surgery. I won't agree to a shit job just to have it done, it's hugely important to get them off but I don't want it to be done so poorly that I have to spend thousands and thousands to fix how they look but never have sensation back.
Anyway, on to stats.
Weight: 284 lbs
Libido: Things get me turned on pretty easily, I don't always HAVE to do something about it but I find myself touching more than I ever have. Not in public but if I'm home and bored, I'll feel like it's a good option.
Skin: Acne on my back, just down the sides and not the middle. I've got new pores appearing on my face, like along my cheekbones. I thought it was a five o'clock shadow but nope… pores. I've always got a few zits on my face. No full blown acne but if it gets problematic I'm getting on that shit.
Hair: I don't know if it's my imagination or not but despite the fact my hair's longer, it still seems a little thin. Like the skin, if I start noticeably losing my hair I'm going to get on that.
Body Hair: Tummy is getting thick dark hair on the happy trail, but also hair around belly button. It's starting to creep up my chest and it's just under my breasts. My pores on my breasts are getting thicker, like they're getting ready for hair. My ass crack has gotten quite hairy, not my ass… just the crack. Leg hair is definitely darker, but not causing as many ingrown hairs. My pit hair still has to be trimmed, if it gets too long it really irritates my underarms.
Dosage: 250mg
Amount of time on T: 6 months 1 week
Build: My hips vanished. I used to be quite pear shaped but Shan noticed that I was fairly straight. All the fat has gone to my stomach but that's starting to go away as well. My arms are quite strong despite the fact I've been shit about the gym recently.
Menstruation: N/A
Energy Level: Horrible after shots, absolutely horrible. Horrible in that I usually have really shitty insomnia that night. I just had my shot about 4-5 hours ago and I kinda feel buzzing but in a weird way, I'm pretty tired but I feel quite energized as well. Kinda sucks.
Voice: It breaks, a lot. My dad was poking fun at me last week and said he had issues with his voice until he was 24. My mom wasn't there to call him on it but I was like, 'fuck me'. It ended up being bullshit and he thought it was pretty funny, but my voice is definitely breaking. There's a huge difference between the first recording and this once and it is going fast (in my opinion) cause I can't sing along with a song on Friday that I did Monday to the same level of success. LOL.
Misc: Bit more downstairs growth. Heartburn is fucking killing me, it's usually pretty bad right after my shot. I can be quite irritable right after a shot, and quite emotional at the end of a shot. I've also done some stupid things this last month and I blame testosterone for it.
Showing posts with label Endo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Endo. Show all posts
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Update
I wish I could say that I haven't really been blogging because there hasn't been anything going on but I think it's been so much but in such tiny morsels here and there. It really hasn't really felt like much at the time but looking back it's been a very, very busy few months.
So okay, I've recently really gotten involved with GenderBride which was the group I was mostly talking about last time. I'm now their coordinator since it became vacant and I wanted to volunteer. It's pretty sweet. I'm 100% immersed there and supported 100% on it. I keep getting called guy and bloke by the Kiwi's I work with and each time it just is like a huge boost to my esteem. I'm finding I'm just generally more happy. I can have intense anxiety about social situations but I haven't once felt it there. I've got some really great friends there too now, which is really nice in and of itself. Shan's also finding a lot of support with other partners which is great for her. She's come around almost completely. She still slips and calls me 'she' but she's working on it. She's even on the board of GenderBridge.
We also went to a NZTransguys party and met some other guys. One guy had his chest done in August and it looked AMAZING. He had a keyhole surgery so it wouldn't be the results I had at all, but Shan was fascinated by how good he looked. He had been transitioning for 2 years and looked flawless. He was 17-19 when he started so he's still young, but still, it was the total ideal you know? Looked more like a guy than a lot of guys I've known in my life.
On the medical front, I had an appointment with an Endocrinologist named Dr. Ian Holdaway. He is very familiar with the transition process and very thorough during our first session. He gave me a check up and we talked T options. He likes to go gently, often prescribing pills instead of shots to start with low dosages. He doesn't like "jarring the body" with high doses of T in general, it was a long discussion before he would consider giving me 50-100mg versus 25mg shots to start.
But first I had to get my psych clearance. Dr. Holdaway first referred me to Dr. Louise Armstrong, but after 5 weeks she finally got back to him to inform him she wasn't taking patients. So I was then referred to Dr. Ian Goodwin and was in to see him within two weeks. Shan came with me and by the time our session was done, he gave the thumbs up and was 100% behind me getting on T and pursuing this. Since it had been 7 weeks since my appointment with Holdaway I set up an appointment in advance to meet with Holdaway again so that he could do my prescription and we could get this ball rolling. Dr. Goodwin was willing to expedite his letter for me, instead of two weeks he had it done and sent out in two days.
So yesterday I met with Holdaway again. This time Shan was able to come and we had a lot of the same conversations. He was set on pills (which I've heard nothing but horror stories about in US blogs and I'm not keen on), then he suggested the cream (which can rub off onto Shan and since she has PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome - and that means she has too much testosterone for her parts to work properly... so I didn't want her getting any more through me). He then suggested the patch, which we talked about me not having a good history of patches. I break out with them and have a tendency to pick things off of me (like bandaids or patches) if they piss me off. We then talked about doing implants as well, which is WAY out of my price range considering it'd have to be done in the hospital and I'd have to pay for that.
It seemed like he was really beating around giving me the shots, like any option was better. But then we had the same conversation, he wanted to start me off at 25mg for 3 months, then up to 50 for 2, then 75 for 2 then 100. And it was like, WTF? We already talked this out buddy. It took about 10 minutes and a lot of everything to get him to agree to the 50 to start, and even that might change before my first shot. I hope to god he doesn't give me 25 or I'll just add 25 more at home. I'm going to be getting a 1000cc bottle to self administer at home. It is a lot better option than the 100 bottles that are single use, so I'd be tossing a lot of T out because I couldn't use it. It just wasn't financially sound either. The bigger bottle was just a better choice for me.
So tomorrow, I have my first shot. The nurses are going to teach Shan how to do the shots so we can do it at home from now on. I will also get paperwork to do a blood test in three weeks to just see where my testosterone levels are. I won't have to see him for 3 months at that point to do a full check up and see where I am and how I'm doing with everything. I won't find out until tomorrow if he went with 25 or 50 but I hope larger. He's considering it because I have slightly elevated testosterone levels already. The average girl has a level of 2, boys have from 8-30. I had 3.5. Oooh. So HIGH. *sarcasm inserted*. He also worries about my blood thickening too much or my cholesterol getting bad but it's just undue concern. I have a great cholesterol level and I feel like I have really thin blood (mostly cause it takes me forever to heal from anything). But who knows.
Alright so below is what I am going to call my 'Stats' section. I'm going to record a bunch of different things as I transition to see how I progress.
Weight: 285 lb (130kg)
Libido: Kinda there but not pressing.
Skin: Broke out a little before my last menstruation but cleared up. A couple little blemishes under my breasts from where sweat has accumulated while binding. Nothing big or noticeable. Skin is mostly clear, non oily.
Hair: I generally have thinner hair. I just got my hair cut and it is still growing pretty quickly. No existing bald spots or masculine hairline.
Body Hair: Pits and legs. Light arm hair, very fine facial peach fuzz and happy trail.
Dosage: Not on T.
Amount of time on T: Not on T.
Build: Overweight, 5'9.5", decent leg, arm, and shoulder strength, poor back strength
Menstruation: Finished a very light cycle today. Only a couple days long and light the whole way through.
Energy Level: Low energy. Worked out yesterday and over worked stomach so it's sore to move which is given me as much excuse as I need to not go to the gym today.
Voice: Normal pre-T voice. Alto vocal range.
Misc: Shoe size 10.5 US
If anyone wants anything else tracked, let me know.
So okay, I've recently really gotten involved with GenderBride which was the group I was mostly talking about last time. I'm now their coordinator since it became vacant and I wanted to volunteer. It's pretty sweet. I'm 100% immersed there and supported 100% on it. I keep getting called guy and bloke by the Kiwi's I work with and each time it just is like a huge boost to my esteem. I'm finding I'm just generally more happy. I can have intense anxiety about social situations but I haven't once felt it there. I've got some really great friends there too now, which is really nice in and of itself. Shan's also finding a lot of support with other partners which is great for her. She's come around almost completely. She still slips and calls me 'she' but she's working on it. She's even on the board of GenderBridge.
We also went to a NZTransguys party and met some other guys. One guy had his chest done in August and it looked AMAZING. He had a keyhole surgery so it wouldn't be the results I had at all, but Shan was fascinated by how good he looked. He had been transitioning for 2 years and looked flawless. He was 17-19 when he started so he's still young, but still, it was the total ideal you know? Looked more like a guy than a lot of guys I've known in my life.
On the medical front, I had an appointment with an Endocrinologist named Dr. Ian Holdaway. He is very familiar with the transition process and very thorough during our first session. He gave me a check up and we talked T options. He likes to go gently, often prescribing pills instead of shots to start with low dosages. He doesn't like "jarring the body" with high doses of T in general, it was a long discussion before he would consider giving me 50-100mg versus 25mg shots to start.
But first I had to get my psych clearance. Dr. Holdaway first referred me to Dr. Louise Armstrong, but after 5 weeks she finally got back to him to inform him she wasn't taking patients. So I was then referred to Dr. Ian Goodwin and was in to see him within two weeks. Shan came with me and by the time our session was done, he gave the thumbs up and was 100% behind me getting on T and pursuing this. Since it had been 7 weeks since my appointment with Holdaway I set up an appointment in advance to meet with Holdaway again so that he could do my prescription and we could get this ball rolling. Dr. Goodwin was willing to expedite his letter for me, instead of two weeks he had it done and sent out in two days.
So yesterday I met with Holdaway again. This time Shan was able to come and we had a lot of the same conversations. He was set on pills (which I've heard nothing but horror stories about in US blogs and I'm not keen on), then he suggested the cream (which can rub off onto Shan and since she has PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome - and that means she has too much testosterone for her parts to work properly... so I didn't want her getting any more through me). He then suggested the patch, which we talked about me not having a good history of patches. I break out with them and have a tendency to pick things off of me (like bandaids or patches) if they piss me off. We then talked about doing implants as well, which is WAY out of my price range considering it'd have to be done in the hospital and I'd have to pay for that.
It seemed like he was really beating around giving me the shots, like any option was better. But then we had the same conversation, he wanted to start me off at 25mg for 3 months, then up to 50 for 2, then 75 for 2 then 100. And it was like, WTF? We already talked this out buddy. It took about 10 minutes and a lot of everything to get him to agree to the 50 to start, and even that might change before my first shot. I hope to god he doesn't give me 25 or I'll just add 25 more at home. I'm going to be getting a 1000cc bottle to self administer at home. It is a lot better option than the 100 bottles that are single use, so I'd be tossing a lot of T out because I couldn't use it. It just wasn't financially sound either. The bigger bottle was just a better choice for me.
So tomorrow, I have my first shot. The nurses are going to teach Shan how to do the shots so we can do it at home from now on. I will also get paperwork to do a blood test in three weeks to just see where my testosterone levels are. I won't have to see him for 3 months at that point to do a full check up and see where I am and how I'm doing with everything. I won't find out until tomorrow if he went with 25 or 50 but I hope larger. He's considering it because I have slightly elevated testosterone levels already. The average girl has a level of 2, boys have from 8-30. I had 3.5. Oooh. So HIGH. *sarcasm inserted*. He also worries about my blood thickening too much or my cholesterol getting bad but it's just undue concern. I have a great cholesterol level and I feel like I have really thin blood (mostly cause it takes me forever to heal from anything). But who knows.
Alright so below is what I am going to call my 'Stats' section. I'm going to record a bunch of different things as I transition to see how I progress.
Weight: 285 lb (130kg)
Libido: Kinda there but not pressing.
Skin: Broke out a little before my last menstruation but cleared up. A couple little blemishes under my breasts from where sweat has accumulated while binding. Nothing big or noticeable. Skin is mostly clear, non oily.
Hair: I generally have thinner hair. I just got my hair cut and it is still growing pretty quickly. No existing bald spots or masculine hairline.
Body Hair: Pits and legs. Light arm hair, very fine facial peach fuzz and happy trail.
Dosage: Not on T.
Amount of time on T: Not on T.
Build: Overweight, 5'9.5", decent leg, arm, and shoulder strength, poor back strength
Menstruation: Finished a very light cycle today. Only a couple days long and light the whole way through.
Energy Level: Low energy. Worked out yesterday and over worked stomach so it's sore to move which is given me as much excuse as I need to not go to the gym today.
Voice: Normal pre-T voice. Alto vocal range.
Misc: Shoe size 10.5 US
If anyone wants anything else tracked, let me know.
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