So, it's been a while. I think it's time to just accept the fact I suck and it'll be a while between them. Oh well. So anyway, everything's been going well. I've been busy, telling my coming out story at different schools and work with Genderbridge. I also did some volunteering for a Queer Youth Hui called Kazam, hosted by Rainbow Youth. I did a bit of filming and made a video which was well received. There were a ton of transguys there and I got to talking. Cue idiot point 1. The big one.
There was a guy there who had told me about how he pretty much abused T, taking a huge dose quite frequently… it caused him to have really rapid results physically but shut down emotionally. A couple other guys talked about how they were all over 200 (most at 250) and I got T envy. I'd had my shot the Friday before (it was now Monday) and I got a bit obsessed with it. I was at 200 so after 2 days of deliberation with myself (and without talking to the wife- again idiot move) I injected myself with 50 more. I did it myself, into my thigh. It was surprisingly hard for me to do it. I kept freaking out about doing it and so I ended up putting it in quite slowly. It didn't hurt going in or out and I thought I was quite smart. I ended up confessing to Shan what I'd done and being an idiot boy I thought there was no big deal. The next week I had the worst heartburn of my life. I couldn't eat without agony following, I also had a bit of a mood swing. Lesson learned. I didn't have any magic growth spurts or anything that I had in my head that would happen, I just pissed off my wife- got in a fight, and then had heartburn as payback.
We agreed to raise the dose this time, as long as I was honest about it to the doctor. We'd see if it did anything that I hoped or if it kept the heartburn and slight insomnia it caused. My doctor would be happy to keep me at a low dose, but I'm six months in and I'm not as far as I feel I should be. I'm further ahead of another guy who uses my endo and fully started slow, I at least argued to go a bit faster… but even that is still 'slow' in the spectrum of things. I just want to have my voice finally start to settle instead of being the constant breaking it is now. I'd like to have some sign of stubble, sideburns, or something. It's really hard to not be disheartened since I'm six months in and feel like I'm at the level I should've been at three months.
Anyway, I saw my psychiatrist and my endo and they both gave me a thumbs up for top surgery. My endo was going to refer me into the free system on the Shore. No dice. The one doctor he knew of no longer does it. I called every clinic I could find online on the shore, no one has any doctor who does it free. The Auckland DHB was my only option so I'm going to temporarily be residing at a friend's house to qualify for the DHB. I've got an appointment on the 29th to get my initial consultation done and hopefully it'll be under six months from then. I've spent the last few days looking at more male chests than I think I ever have. I'm really looking into what I want and what I don't want so that I can make the best decision possible for the surgery. I won't agree to a shit job just to have it done, it's hugely important to get them off but I don't want it to be done so poorly that I have to spend thousands and thousands to fix how they look but never have sensation back.
Anyway, on to stats.
Weight: 284 lbs
Libido: Things get me turned on pretty easily, I don't always HAVE to do something about it but I find myself touching more than I ever have. Not in public but if I'm home and bored, I'll feel like it's a good option.
Skin: Acne on my back, just down the sides and not the middle. I've got new pores appearing on my face, like along my cheekbones. I thought it was a five o'clock shadow but nope… pores. I've always got a few zits on my face. No full blown acne but if it gets problematic I'm getting on that shit.
Hair: I don't know if it's my imagination or not but despite the fact my hair's longer, it still seems a little thin. Like the skin, if I start noticeably losing my hair I'm going to get on that.
Body Hair: Tummy is getting thick dark hair on the happy trail, but also hair around belly button. It's starting to creep up my chest and it's just under my breasts. My pores on my breasts are getting thicker, like they're getting ready for hair. My ass crack has gotten quite hairy, not my ass… just the crack. Leg hair is definitely darker, but not causing as many ingrown hairs. My pit hair still has to be trimmed, if it gets too long it really irritates my underarms.
Dosage: 250mg
Amount of time on T: 6 months 1 week
Build: My hips vanished. I used to be quite pear shaped but Shan noticed that I was fairly straight. All the fat has gone to my stomach but that's starting to go away as well. My arms are quite strong despite the fact I've been shit about the gym recently.
Menstruation: N/A
Energy Level: Horrible after shots, absolutely horrible. Horrible in that I usually have really shitty insomnia that night. I just had my shot about 4-5 hours ago and I kinda feel buzzing but in a weird way, I'm pretty tired but I feel quite energized as well. Kinda sucks.
Voice: It breaks, a lot. My dad was poking fun at me last week and said he had issues with his voice until he was 24. My mom wasn't there to call him on it but I was like, 'fuck me'. It ended up being bullshit and he thought it was pretty funny, but my voice is definitely breaking. There's a huge difference between the first recording and this once and it is going fast (in my opinion) cause I can't sing along with a song on Friday that I did Monday to the same level of success. LOL.
Misc: Bit more downstairs growth. Heartburn is fucking killing me, it's usually pretty bad right after my shot. I can be quite irritable right after a shot, and quite emotional at the end of a shot. I've also done some stupid things this last month and I blame testosterone for it.
