February Sucked. Period. End of sentence. January was a very epic month on a personal level. One of my best friends was in from the States and we saw a lot of the country. She left the first week of February. That day we were robbed. Our laptops were stolen as was my digital SLR that still had pictures from the vacation on it. It was pretty shitty and just the beginning. There was a lot of drama with Genderbridge going on. I don't want to go into details but I was bullied and harassed during the month of January and eventually dismissed unlawfully in February. It was a very horrible situation but I'm eternally grateful it's over. I've been reinstated now and the last two months are finally over and done. I've really learned to stand up for myself and that you can persevere. I've found a lot of support outside of Genderbridge and now hope to bring them aboard to revitalize the negative image that it's taken in the last two months.
I've got a new laptop ao I'm back and here are my stats for now.
Weight: 285lbs still but people keep telling me I look like I've lost weight.
Libido: Feeling generally horny a lot but not really a huge pressing issue or anything like that. I want sex more but can still live without it.
Skin: Face is definitely oilier but I'm using ProActive to keep breakouts as much in check as I can. Shoulders have broken out a little bit but nothing unmanageable.
Hair: A little bit of thinning but it's growing really fast.
Body Hair: A few dark hairs on the corner of my lips. I shaved them off on Monday and they're back today. Shan said she noticed them a week before I did but was waiting for me to notice.
Dosage: 100mg
Amount of time on T: 12 weeks
Build: I keep being told I look like I'm losing weight though the scale isn't changing. I think the fat has started shifting a bit. My arms generally look stronger and my breasts are losing what little elasticity they had so they hang much more. If I double bind (yes I know it's bad but I only do it in VERY short bursts and only when I really need to pass) I'm extremely flat and my build is very masculine.
Menstruation: Last period lasted for like two and a half weeks of just spotting. This one, that I'm currently on (*grumble*) started out that way for three days but then just hugely escalated to a full period. I can't wait for it to stop. I really can't.
Energy Level: A little bit more energized, I can work out longer and usually WANT to work out longer. I just keep ending up at the gym with a bunch of douches that joke around on the equipment so I am very limited in what I can do so I end up doing more cardio than weights.
Voice: It seems a little lower, I can sing lower and have trouble singing higher. My voice definitely tires when I try to sing higher stuff, or sing along with people like Justin Timberlake or Bruno Mars who sing in a bit of a falsetto. One Bruno Mars song belted out and my voice is almost shot.
Misc: I'm a bit snappy, especially the first few days after shots. After my first 100mg shot, I was slightly less snappy but it's still very easy to get a small temper flare up. Until recently I've also been extremely stressed so that probably didn't help much.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Lots of drama, not a lot of time.
I've been up to my ears in a lot of things and not really having time. I promise to post more later but for now, I can just do stats.
STATS:
Weight: It's up a little but I've got a friend from the states here and we've been eating junk food a lot and that fried chicken from across the street. I've had pizza more in the last month then I've had in the last year. Soda consumption has gone up as well and I'm often trying to stop drinking it.
Libido: Up a little, a little easier to orgasm as well.
Skin: Noticeably oily. More zits coming in in places I don't usually get them, like my cheek and neck. Still totaling under 10 at the highest. Definitely inflamed a bit more around menstruation.
Hair: No change.
Body Hair: Leg hair seems a little thicker but nothing noticeable anything new.
Dosage: 50mg (next shot goes up to 100mg)
Amount of time on T: 6 weeks
Build: No change.
Menstruation: Before my 2nd shot, I had a full menstruation. It started very slowly and I was dealing with it for three days before it escalated enough to get cramps. On my period again, same thing. On my third day, still very light, but I can feel the cramps starting.
Energy Level: A little up, but I've been hiking, camping, snorkeling, and swimming a lot with my friend in town.
Voice: My throat gets sore after long talks a lot easier than before. I noticeably clear my throat more and when singing along with the radio, I can't sing quite as high as I could before.
Misc: I've also noticed that I can deal with anxiety a lot better than before. I feel a lot more confident when handling confrontation. I've also been a bit more moody and its easier to get my temper flaring. I also have a lower tolerance for dealing with drama and bullshit. I've still been driven to tears (long long story filled with dramatic sighs that I don't want to get into) but it rose from a confrontation I would not have been able to face months ago. Not that it's a perk or anything to be made to cry, but the fact I was able to handle this situation for as long as I did is an emotional improvement.
STATS:
Weight: It's up a little but I've got a friend from the states here and we've been eating junk food a lot and that fried chicken from across the street. I've had pizza more in the last month then I've had in the last year. Soda consumption has gone up as well and I'm often trying to stop drinking it.
Libido: Up a little, a little easier to orgasm as well.
Skin: Noticeably oily. More zits coming in in places I don't usually get them, like my cheek and neck. Still totaling under 10 at the highest. Definitely inflamed a bit more around menstruation.
Hair: No change.
Body Hair: Leg hair seems a little thicker but nothing noticeable anything new.
Dosage: 50mg (next shot goes up to 100mg)
Amount of time on T: 6 weeks
Build: No change.
Menstruation: Before my 2nd shot, I had a full menstruation. It started very slowly and I was dealing with it for three days before it escalated enough to get cramps. On my period again, same thing. On my third day, still very light, but I can feel the cramps starting.
Energy Level: A little up, but I've been hiking, camping, snorkeling, and swimming a lot with my friend in town.
Voice: My throat gets sore after long talks a lot easier than before. I noticeably clear my throat more and when singing along with the radio, I can't sing quite as high as I could before.
Misc: I've also noticed that I can deal with anxiety a lot better than before. I feel a lot more confident when handling confrontation. I've also been a bit more moody and its easier to get my temper flaring. I also have a lower tolerance for dealing with drama and bullshit. I've still been driven to tears (long long story filled with dramatic sighs that I don't want to get into) but it rose from a confrontation I would not have been able to face months ago. Not that it's a perk or anything to be made to cry, but the fact I was able to handle this situation for as long as I did is an emotional improvement.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
New Years
Happy New Years, first and foremost. It's been quite the year for me and my wife and we're hoping that next year is even better. I am over half-way through my first shot and I went through a small phase where I felt really down because there was nothing happening with my T. My skin got oily and I think that my horniness and initial rush of energy were more in my head than in my body which brought me down a bit. With my ADD I tend to want things NOW and have little patience for long, drawn out things, yet that's where I am. Forced to be patient. IT SUCKS! I'm really looking forward to my next shot and hoping for something to happen.
Shan and I sat down and both made our resolutions about our bodies and health. We both want to lose weight and so that's the big goal for us. We're really motivated, but isn't everyone at the start of the New Year? We're going to work for it, and try to push each other to be good.
Other than that there's not too much to report. It was a quiet holiday since we're so far from home. Nothing really exciting happened.
C'est la vie.
STATS:
Weight: 286lbs - Pretty good that I didn't pack on a ton of weight over the holidays, not cause of great feasts or anything but because the only places open when we forgot to buy groceries were fast food and a place with AMAZING fried chicken.
Libido: Down.
Skin: Still a little oily but I got sunburned so it seems to dried up a little.
Hair: No change.
Body Hair: Super fine and soft hair on my face is growing a little faster than usual.
Dosage: 50mg
Amount of time on T: 2 weeks, 2 days
Build: No change
Menstruation: Aunt Flo has come. Bitch. It started up on the 2nd week mark. Started very slow and today it's up to normal speed with some cramping.
Energy Level: Haven't been sleeping well still (not uncommon for me), very low energy level)
Voice: Throat is sore off and on, off and on my voice feels higher and lower but nothing obvious. Sore throats can persist all day and be gone without warning.
Misc: My mood was a little wishy washy this week, uncertain if it was PMS or T doing it. Shan thought I was really snappy and really agitated but that's nothing new with my PMS.
Shan and I sat down and both made our resolutions about our bodies and health. We both want to lose weight and so that's the big goal for us. We're really motivated, but isn't everyone at the start of the New Year? We're going to work for it, and try to push each other to be good.
Other than that there's not too much to report. It was a quiet holiday since we're so far from home. Nothing really exciting happened.
C'est la vie.
STATS:
Weight: 286lbs - Pretty good that I didn't pack on a ton of weight over the holidays, not cause of great feasts or anything but because the only places open when we forgot to buy groceries were fast food and a place with AMAZING fried chicken.
Libido: Down.
Skin: Still a little oily but I got sunburned so it seems to dried up a little.
Hair: No change.
Body Hair: Super fine and soft hair on my face is growing a little faster than usual.
Dosage: 50mg
Amount of time on T: 2 weeks, 2 days
Build: No change
Menstruation: Aunt Flo has come. Bitch. It started up on the 2nd week mark. Started very slow and today it's up to normal speed with some cramping.
Energy Level: Haven't been sleeping well still (not uncommon for me), very low energy level)
Voice: Throat is sore off and on, off and on my voice feels higher and lower but nothing obvious. Sore throats can persist all day and be gone without warning.
Misc: My mood was a little wishy washy this week, uncertain if it was PMS or T doing it. Shan thought I was really snappy and really agitated but that's nothing new with my PMS.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
X-Mas Stat update
Weight: No change
Libido: General arousal but not what could be deemed horniness.
Skin: Noticeably oily, especially my T-zone (forehead and nose), a little on my cheeks and a little bit of breaking out on my chin.
Hair: First time since cutting my hair short that I've seen more than one or two hairs loose when I showered. I saw a half dozen which was a lot.
Body Hair: No change
Dosage: 50mg
Amount of time on T: 1 week
Build: No change
Menstruation: N/A
Energy Level: Haven't been sleeping well, so my energy has been a bit low.
Voice: Throat is sore off and on, off and on my voice feels higher and lower but nothing obvious.
Misc: N/A
Libido: General arousal but not what could be deemed horniness.
Skin: Noticeably oily, especially my T-zone (forehead and nose), a little on my cheeks and a little bit of breaking out on my chin.
Hair: First time since cutting my hair short that I've seen more than one or two hairs loose when I showered. I saw a half dozen which was a lot.
Body Hair: No change
Dosage: 50mg
Amount of time on T: 1 week
Build: No change
Menstruation: N/A
Energy Level: Haven't been sleeping well, so my energy has been a bit low.
Voice: Throat is sore off and on, off and on my voice feels higher and lower but nothing obvious.
Misc: N/A
Friday, December 17, 2010
Day 1
So a little over 24 hours ago, I got my first shot of T. We had to go to Greenlane hospital so Shannon could be taught how to do the injections and that was really cool for her.
Anyways, back tracking a bit. So the night before my injection, Shan and I both had trouble falling asleep. I don't think it was any special reason why, not nerves for the next day and the step we would be taking so much as we just couldn't fall asleep. Neither of us are particularly morning people if we can help it, so when morning came by we hadn't been sleeping that long.
I am one of those people who doesn't function particularly well without sleep. I need about 5 hours or I get exceptionally emotional and sometimes my heart can race a little. It's like having a battery undercharged, it's still trying to do all the work you need it to do, it just doesn't have the juice. So that was me for the first part of yesterday.
The alarm went off and there was no way I was going back to sleep. We'd given ourselves an hour to get out the door to get across town to Greenlane. Shan wasn't ready to get up so I got up and got ready, did my audio recording (that went on my last blog- I lied about the date but it was still my voice pre-t), and then I got Shan up. We ended up out the door exactly when we had intended to leave which is not very like us but good.
We missed the traffic rush, so we ended up at the hospital about 15 minutes early. We had to pick up my bottle of T that we'd be taking home. It was this tiny little thing, 100mg/ml - so a thousand mgs- which is about 8 doses for me with a little left over. It cost me 3 dollars. You heard it 3 dollars. I never imagined it'd cost that little, but I wasn't going to argue. So we got it and then went upstairs.
We were in the waiting room until the exact minute of my appointment when the nurse came in. She was awesome, excited to teach Shan and very cool. As we walked to the room, I noticed a guy from GenderBridge was there getting some fasting tests done before he started T. We got set up in the office and went to talk to him. We were seeing the same Endo, but unlike me he hadn't challenged the doctor's usual methods of starting on pills at 25 mg and slowly working up to full dose then converting to full dose shots. He didn't even really know that was an option, to challenge the system to get more. Only that no matter what subsidized option he chose he would have to start very low and work his way up.
We chatted for a bit then headed to the room again. The nurse had finished setting up and getting everything ready while we talked with Jay and then she walked Shannon through everything. I mean everything. How to determine the dose of something if the bottle is in a different level of dosage, how to do the math on that, how to identify good injection locations, how to draw the needle and get it ready- slowly cause all Testosterone uses oil as a base, mine was cotton seed oil... and then it was the magic time. I chose to do it standing cause for some reason, laying down kinda sounds worse to me. The needle was a .22 gauge and looked a lot bigger than it felt. I relaxed my leg and she counted to three to inject it. I totally thought it'd be like "Okay, on the count of three I'll do it. One -STICK-" but no she waited til three... I braced myself (while trying to keep my leg relaxed) and then it was in. It didn't hurt at all.
Like it actually was the slightest of pinches and then when it came out it was hardly noticeable. It isn't sore even today. There was no ache, a little itchy but that was all in my head because the itch migrated all over my ass. It was all in all painless.
We got some needles and what not that we'd need for the injections and then headed out. We were having dinner company over and we had to finish cleaning and get some stuff picked up for the meal. We had a bit of scrambling, but by 3 we had gotten everything pretty much ready. I didn't have much prepwork left for dinner and we had a spotless house. During that time anything I felt, I was questioning if it was the T 'kicking in'. Always it was no and it eventually drove Shan crazy a little.
Our guests were coming around 5-ish so we planned to nap a little and went to bed around 3:30 and I didn't really sleep but I rested (and boy did I need it!) but Shan was out like a light. I was up around 4:40, cause I didn't want to be in bed if they came early. I let her stay in bed until 5. But our guests ended up caught in traffic and weren't here until 6. Oh well, I wouldn't have slept and we got some more last minute stuff done around the house.
They came and were here until about 9:30 when they had to head home. It was a good dinner, but kinda exhausting. By 10, I was struggling to stay awake and by 11 I called it a night. It only lasted for about 20 minutes before just laying down recharged me. I was wide awake so I went to the gym. I noticed my skin felt a little oily on my face on the drive there but nothing else felt different.
I was a bit sore and tired at the gym, I normally start with 15 minutes of cardio and go to the weight machines, then go to the free weights, then do some weights and end with 5 more of cardio. But I only did about 10 minutes on the bike (which wasn't as cardio intensive as the full body machines I normally use) and then a lot of short burst machine work. With free wights I did a lot more, especially my arms, and pretty much worked myself until I was tired again. I had expected it to be 15-20 mins of overall work but it was closer to 40 before I really felt DONE.
I've set a goal for myself (aside from losing weight) that I want to be able to do chin-ups... to have that kind of arm strength. I've never been able to do them and I really want to be able to. I was able to do several reps at 100 pounds without much difficulty so I'll work my way up.
So okay, that's my boring boring day. My face is a little oily, my voice seems normal, no magical facial hair or anything. Nothing too exciting except I'm going to go see Tron tonight.
Weight: No change
Libido: No real change, a little excited but I can naturally be that way.
Skin: The only real change I've felt and could point at and say 'this is new' is my face has been a bit oily.
Hair: No change
Body Hair: No change
Dosage: 50mg
Amount of time on T: 1 day
Build: No change
Menstruation: N/A
Energy Level: Exhausted most of the day (due to lack of sleep), had an hour nap and still remained fairly tired. Went to bed early (11pm) about 20 minutes of laying there I got really energetic and went to the gym. Only anticipated doing a 15 minute work out and did a 1/2 hour.
Voice: Throat is sore, not sure if it's from the heat and humidity and having to have constant fans on, allergies, or T.
Misc: N/A
Anyways, back tracking a bit. So the night before my injection, Shan and I both had trouble falling asleep. I don't think it was any special reason why, not nerves for the next day and the step we would be taking so much as we just couldn't fall asleep. Neither of us are particularly morning people if we can help it, so when morning came by we hadn't been sleeping that long.
I am one of those people who doesn't function particularly well without sleep. I need about 5 hours or I get exceptionally emotional and sometimes my heart can race a little. It's like having a battery undercharged, it's still trying to do all the work you need it to do, it just doesn't have the juice. So that was me for the first part of yesterday.
The alarm went off and there was no way I was going back to sleep. We'd given ourselves an hour to get out the door to get across town to Greenlane. Shan wasn't ready to get up so I got up and got ready, did my audio recording (that went on my last blog- I lied about the date but it was still my voice pre-t), and then I got Shan up. We ended up out the door exactly when we had intended to leave which is not very like us but good.
We missed the traffic rush, so we ended up at the hospital about 15 minutes early. We had to pick up my bottle of T that we'd be taking home. It was this tiny little thing, 100mg/ml - so a thousand mgs- which is about 8 doses for me with a little left over. It cost me 3 dollars. You heard it 3 dollars. I never imagined it'd cost that little, but I wasn't going to argue. So we got it and then went upstairs.
We were in the waiting room until the exact minute of my appointment when the nurse came in. She was awesome, excited to teach Shan and very cool. As we walked to the room, I noticed a guy from GenderBridge was there getting some fasting tests done before he started T. We got set up in the office and went to talk to him. We were seeing the same Endo, but unlike me he hadn't challenged the doctor's usual methods of starting on pills at 25 mg and slowly working up to full dose then converting to full dose shots. He didn't even really know that was an option, to challenge the system to get more. Only that no matter what subsidized option he chose he would have to start very low and work his way up.
We chatted for a bit then headed to the room again. The nurse had finished setting up and getting everything ready while we talked with Jay and then she walked Shannon through everything. I mean everything. How to determine the dose of something if the bottle is in a different level of dosage, how to do the math on that, how to identify good injection locations, how to draw the needle and get it ready- slowly cause all Testosterone uses oil as a base, mine was cotton seed oil... and then it was the magic time. I chose to do it standing cause for some reason, laying down kinda sounds worse to me. The needle was a .22 gauge and looked a lot bigger than it felt. I relaxed my leg and she counted to three to inject it. I totally thought it'd be like "Okay, on the count of three I'll do it. One -STICK-" but no she waited til three... I braced myself (while trying to keep my leg relaxed) and then it was in. It didn't hurt at all.
Like it actually was the slightest of pinches and then when it came out it was hardly noticeable. It isn't sore even today. There was no ache, a little itchy but that was all in my head because the itch migrated all over my ass. It was all in all painless.
We got some needles and what not that we'd need for the injections and then headed out. We were having dinner company over and we had to finish cleaning and get some stuff picked up for the meal. We had a bit of scrambling, but by 3 we had gotten everything pretty much ready. I didn't have much prepwork left for dinner and we had a spotless house. During that time anything I felt, I was questioning if it was the T 'kicking in'. Always it was no and it eventually drove Shan crazy a little.
Our guests were coming around 5-ish so we planned to nap a little and went to bed around 3:30 and I didn't really sleep but I rested (and boy did I need it!) but Shan was out like a light. I was up around 4:40, cause I didn't want to be in bed if they came early. I let her stay in bed until 5. But our guests ended up caught in traffic and weren't here until 6. Oh well, I wouldn't have slept and we got some more last minute stuff done around the house.
They came and were here until about 9:30 when they had to head home. It was a good dinner, but kinda exhausting. By 10, I was struggling to stay awake and by 11 I called it a night. It only lasted for about 20 minutes before just laying down recharged me. I was wide awake so I went to the gym. I noticed my skin felt a little oily on my face on the drive there but nothing else felt different.
I was a bit sore and tired at the gym, I normally start with 15 minutes of cardio and go to the weight machines, then go to the free weights, then do some weights and end with 5 more of cardio. But I only did about 10 minutes on the bike (which wasn't as cardio intensive as the full body machines I normally use) and then a lot of short burst machine work. With free wights I did a lot more, especially my arms, and pretty much worked myself until I was tired again. I had expected it to be 15-20 mins of overall work but it was closer to 40 before I really felt DONE.
I've set a goal for myself (aside from losing weight) that I want to be able to do chin-ups... to have that kind of arm strength. I've never been able to do them and I really want to be able to. I was able to do several reps at 100 pounds without much difficulty so I'll work my way up.
So okay, that's my boring boring day. My face is a little oily, my voice seems normal, no magical facial hair or anything. Nothing too exciting except I'm going to go see Tron tonight.
Weight: No change
Libido: No real change, a little excited but I can naturally be that way.
Skin: The only real change I've felt and could point at and say 'this is new' is my face has been a bit oily.
Hair: No change
Body Hair: No change
Dosage: 50mg
Amount of time on T: 1 day
Build: No change
Menstruation: N/A
Energy Level: Exhausted most of the day (due to lack of sleep), had an hour nap and still remained fairly tired. Went to bed early (11pm) about 20 minutes of laying there I got really energetic and went to the gym. Only anticipated doing a 15 minute work out and did a 1/2 hour.
Voice: Throat is sore, not sure if it's from the heat and humidity and having to have constant fans on, allergies, or T.
Misc: N/A
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Update
I wish I could say that I haven't really been blogging because there hasn't been anything going on but I think it's been so much but in such tiny morsels here and there. It really hasn't really felt like much at the time but looking back it's been a very, very busy few months.
So okay, I've recently really gotten involved with GenderBride which was the group I was mostly talking about last time. I'm now their coordinator since it became vacant and I wanted to volunteer. It's pretty sweet. I'm 100% immersed there and supported 100% on it. I keep getting called guy and bloke by the Kiwi's I work with and each time it just is like a huge boost to my esteem. I'm finding I'm just generally more happy. I can have intense anxiety about social situations but I haven't once felt it there. I've got some really great friends there too now, which is really nice in and of itself. Shan's also finding a lot of support with other partners which is great for her. She's come around almost completely. She still slips and calls me 'she' but she's working on it. She's even on the board of GenderBridge.
We also went to a NZTransguys party and met some other guys. One guy had his chest done in August and it looked AMAZING. He had a keyhole surgery so it wouldn't be the results I had at all, but Shan was fascinated by how good he looked. He had been transitioning for 2 years and looked flawless. He was 17-19 when he started so he's still young, but still, it was the total ideal you know? Looked more like a guy than a lot of guys I've known in my life.
On the medical front, I had an appointment with an Endocrinologist named Dr. Ian Holdaway. He is very familiar with the transition process and very thorough during our first session. He gave me a check up and we talked T options. He likes to go gently, often prescribing pills instead of shots to start with low dosages. He doesn't like "jarring the body" with high doses of T in general, it was a long discussion before he would consider giving me 50-100mg versus 25mg shots to start.
But first I had to get my psych clearance. Dr. Holdaway first referred me to Dr. Louise Armstrong, but after 5 weeks she finally got back to him to inform him she wasn't taking patients. So I was then referred to Dr. Ian Goodwin and was in to see him within two weeks. Shan came with me and by the time our session was done, he gave the thumbs up and was 100% behind me getting on T and pursuing this. Since it had been 7 weeks since my appointment with Holdaway I set up an appointment in advance to meet with Holdaway again so that he could do my prescription and we could get this ball rolling. Dr. Goodwin was willing to expedite his letter for me, instead of two weeks he had it done and sent out in two days.
So yesterday I met with Holdaway again. This time Shan was able to come and we had a lot of the same conversations. He was set on pills (which I've heard nothing but horror stories about in US blogs and I'm not keen on), then he suggested the cream (which can rub off onto Shan and since she has PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome - and that means she has too much testosterone for her parts to work properly... so I didn't want her getting any more through me). He then suggested the patch, which we talked about me not having a good history of patches. I break out with them and have a tendency to pick things off of me (like bandaids or patches) if they piss me off. We then talked about doing implants as well, which is WAY out of my price range considering it'd have to be done in the hospital and I'd have to pay for that.
It seemed like he was really beating around giving me the shots, like any option was better. But then we had the same conversation, he wanted to start me off at 25mg for 3 months, then up to 50 for 2, then 75 for 2 then 100. And it was like, WTF? We already talked this out buddy. It took about 10 minutes and a lot of everything to get him to agree to the 50 to start, and even that might change before my first shot. I hope to god he doesn't give me 25 or I'll just add 25 more at home. I'm going to be getting a 1000cc bottle to self administer at home. It is a lot better option than the 100 bottles that are single use, so I'd be tossing a lot of T out because I couldn't use it. It just wasn't financially sound either. The bigger bottle was just a better choice for me.
So tomorrow, I have my first shot. The nurses are going to teach Shan how to do the shots so we can do it at home from now on. I will also get paperwork to do a blood test in three weeks to just see where my testosterone levels are. I won't have to see him for 3 months at that point to do a full check up and see where I am and how I'm doing with everything. I won't find out until tomorrow if he went with 25 or 50 but I hope larger. He's considering it because I have slightly elevated testosterone levels already. The average girl has a level of 2, boys have from 8-30. I had 3.5. Oooh. So HIGH. *sarcasm inserted*. He also worries about my blood thickening too much or my cholesterol getting bad but it's just undue concern. I have a great cholesterol level and I feel like I have really thin blood (mostly cause it takes me forever to heal from anything). But who knows.
Alright so below is what I am going to call my 'Stats' section. I'm going to record a bunch of different things as I transition to see how I progress.
Weight: 285 lb (130kg)
Libido: Kinda there but not pressing.
Skin: Broke out a little before my last menstruation but cleared up. A couple little blemishes under my breasts from where sweat has accumulated while binding. Nothing big or noticeable. Skin is mostly clear, non oily.
Hair: I generally have thinner hair. I just got my hair cut and it is still growing pretty quickly. No existing bald spots or masculine hairline.
Body Hair: Pits and legs. Light arm hair, very fine facial peach fuzz and happy trail.
Dosage: Not on T.
Amount of time on T: Not on T.
Build: Overweight, 5'9.5", decent leg, arm, and shoulder strength, poor back strength
Menstruation: Finished a very light cycle today. Only a couple days long and light the whole way through.
Energy Level: Low energy. Worked out yesterday and over worked stomach so it's sore to move which is given me as much excuse as I need to not go to the gym today.
Voice: Normal pre-T voice. Alto vocal range.
Misc: Shoe size 10.5 US
If anyone wants anything else tracked, let me know.
So okay, I've recently really gotten involved with GenderBride which was the group I was mostly talking about last time. I'm now their coordinator since it became vacant and I wanted to volunteer. It's pretty sweet. I'm 100% immersed there and supported 100% on it. I keep getting called guy and bloke by the Kiwi's I work with and each time it just is like a huge boost to my esteem. I'm finding I'm just generally more happy. I can have intense anxiety about social situations but I haven't once felt it there. I've got some really great friends there too now, which is really nice in and of itself. Shan's also finding a lot of support with other partners which is great for her. She's come around almost completely. She still slips and calls me 'she' but she's working on it. She's even on the board of GenderBridge.
We also went to a NZTransguys party and met some other guys. One guy had his chest done in August and it looked AMAZING. He had a keyhole surgery so it wouldn't be the results I had at all, but Shan was fascinated by how good he looked. He had been transitioning for 2 years and looked flawless. He was 17-19 when he started so he's still young, but still, it was the total ideal you know? Looked more like a guy than a lot of guys I've known in my life.
On the medical front, I had an appointment with an Endocrinologist named Dr. Ian Holdaway. He is very familiar with the transition process and very thorough during our first session. He gave me a check up and we talked T options. He likes to go gently, often prescribing pills instead of shots to start with low dosages. He doesn't like "jarring the body" with high doses of T in general, it was a long discussion before he would consider giving me 50-100mg versus 25mg shots to start.
But first I had to get my psych clearance. Dr. Holdaway first referred me to Dr. Louise Armstrong, but after 5 weeks she finally got back to him to inform him she wasn't taking patients. So I was then referred to Dr. Ian Goodwin and was in to see him within two weeks. Shan came with me and by the time our session was done, he gave the thumbs up and was 100% behind me getting on T and pursuing this. Since it had been 7 weeks since my appointment with Holdaway I set up an appointment in advance to meet with Holdaway again so that he could do my prescription and we could get this ball rolling. Dr. Goodwin was willing to expedite his letter for me, instead of two weeks he had it done and sent out in two days.
So yesterday I met with Holdaway again. This time Shan was able to come and we had a lot of the same conversations. He was set on pills (which I've heard nothing but horror stories about in US blogs and I'm not keen on), then he suggested the cream (which can rub off onto Shan and since she has PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome - and that means she has too much testosterone for her parts to work properly... so I didn't want her getting any more through me). He then suggested the patch, which we talked about me not having a good history of patches. I break out with them and have a tendency to pick things off of me (like bandaids or patches) if they piss me off. We then talked about doing implants as well, which is WAY out of my price range considering it'd have to be done in the hospital and I'd have to pay for that.
It seemed like he was really beating around giving me the shots, like any option was better. But then we had the same conversation, he wanted to start me off at 25mg for 3 months, then up to 50 for 2, then 75 for 2 then 100. And it was like, WTF? We already talked this out buddy. It took about 10 minutes and a lot of everything to get him to agree to the 50 to start, and even that might change before my first shot. I hope to god he doesn't give me 25 or I'll just add 25 more at home. I'm going to be getting a 1000cc bottle to self administer at home. It is a lot better option than the 100 bottles that are single use, so I'd be tossing a lot of T out because I couldn't use it. It just wasn't financially sound either. The bigger bottle was just a better choice for me.
So tomorrow, I have my first shot. The nurses are going to teach Shan how to do the shots so we can do it at home from now on. I will also get paperwork to do a blood test in three weeks to just see where my testosterone levels are. I won't have to see him for 3 months at that point to do a full check up and see where I am and how I'm doing with everything. I won't find out until tomorrow if he went with 25 or 50 but I hope larger. He's considering it because I have slightly elevated testosterone levels already. The average girl has a level of 2, boys have from 8-30. I had 3.5. Oooh. So HIGH. *sarcasm inserted*. He also worries about my blood thickening too much or my cholesterol getting bad but it's just undue concern. I have a great cholesterol level and I feel like I have really thin blood (mostly cause it takes me forever to heal from anything). But who knows.
Alright so below is what I am going to call my 'Stats' section. I'm going to record a bunch of different things as I transition to see how I progress.
Weight: 285 lb (130kg)
Libido: Kinda there but not pressing.
Skin: Broke out a little before my last menstruation but cleared up. A couple little blemishes under my breasts from where sweat has accumulated while binding. Nothing big or noticeable. Skin is mostly clear, non oily.
Hair: I generally have thinner hair. I just got my hair cut and it is still growing pretty quickly. No existing bald spots or masculine hairline.
Body Hair: Pits and legs. Light arm hair, very fine facial peach fuzz and happy trail.
Dosage: Not on T.
Amount of time on T: Not on T.
Build: Overweight, 5'9.5", decent leg, arm, and shoulder strength, poor back strength
Menstruation: Finished a very light cycle today. Only a couple days long and light the whole way through.
Energy Level: Low energy. Worked out yesterday and over worked stomach so it's sore to move which is given me as much excuse as I need to not go to the gym today.
Voice: Normal pre-T voice. Alto vocal range.
Misc: Shoe size 10.5 US
If anyone wants anything else tracked, let me know.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Random Stuff
Oooh, look at me. Two days in the same week. There's a medal for that right?
Anyway. Not much is new. I talked Shan into getting another couple binders because I was wearing the first one every day. It also didn't have a great collar. It tends to bunch in front of my chest, right under my chin and it has a really annoying neckline. I HAVE to wear a crew cut shirt at all times which I find really obnoxious. So I got a t-shirt and a tank. They don't have the double compression but I double up on them and have a better neckline and more realistic looking shirt. I'm pretty stoked about that. I love my layers, but not when I can only do crew neck without looking like a tool.
I've been busy joining facebook and yahoo groups for queer and Trans. I'm really feeling like something beyond myself. I reached out to my cousin (who came out after I did- possibly because I did). He's adorable, 18 or 19 or something but from a VERY small town and a very religious family. I know he's having issues with his sexuality. I don't blame him really. I get what it's like to come out in a religious community. I personally am not religious nor have ever been a member of any church but I grew up with a lot of religious friends and so it's kinda similar. I more feel like he needs the help. So I offered to help him find some queer groups back home that he could join. He's much more social than I am so I really think he'll appreciate it 10 times more than I do. What's hilarious is he has a "lesbian" friend who I saw one picture of and was like "TOTALLY FTM!!!!" I laughed and asked him about her. She's apparently a lesbian. I give her a few years before she realizes that there's a difference but she TOTALLY had a guy's fashion sense.
Anyway. I decided to add a picture of me in my glasses. I have a story about that!
Okay so Shan and I have a Japanese car in NZ, it has stations 80-90 which gives us exactly 3 options to use our iTrip when we want to listen to our iPhones. We don't have a tape deck or auxiliary cable input or anything so it's iTrip or radio. The three options don't work in the city at all and phase in and out everywhere else. So we took the iTrip back and got a car stereo with an axuilary input. We then found out that our car does not physically have the ability to have a stereo put in. So I was at Warehouse (which is kinda like Target, Zellers, or Walmart depending on what country you're in) returning the stereo and I had to go to the security guard there. I had my new glasses on and he kept calling me sir. I was on cloud nine. I didn't say much to him, which is usually when people call me on being a girl but I can tone my voice lower in short bursts (thank you years of choir and a keen sense of faking accents and voices) and sound more masculine so I just grunted out one word answers and he never corrected himself. He said it THREE TIMES!
"Hello Sir."
"Hey" "Have a return?"
"Yup."
"There you go sir."
"Thanks."
"Just go over to the counter there and they'll help you. Have a good day sir."
I nearly danced a jig to the counter to get my money back.
Anyway long story short about the stereo, we found someone to do the auxiliary input and some other stereo tweaks for us for less than the iTrip. AND here's the pic.
Normally I spike my hair up into a bit of a fauxhawk but I felt a little lazy today so just brushed it to the side. I kinda like it like that and Shan does too. She doesn't like my hair down or in a "Ceasar" cut or as she calls it, the "ER George Clooney Douchecut" but she liked it like this.
Also I was snooping youtube. I don't think I have the courage to have a video blog yet *shivers at the thought* but there's a LOT of good FTM stuff. Like harnesses.
I have 2 soft packs from Babeland. Both are the Soft Pack (one medium and one large... the large I found to be ridiculously large.) I have the Cock Sock and the Mr Right Packing Strap. The Mr. Right I had when I had the large pack and the large one hung weirdly- almost folding over at the top since it wasn't anchored in at all. The Cock Sock doesn't work on the large one, only on the medium and only if I'm going commando or in boxers. This all leads me to Youtube. I'm going to try a do-it-yourself harness for a better fit. There's several videos of the double loop harness and I'm going to try that.
Yeah I don't mean to sound like I'm promoting Babeland at all. It's just THE shop I used when living in Washington and in Vancouver. It was the first sex store I bought anything from and they're very cool and laid back there. I'm SUPER uncomfortable in stores like that. Even if they're awesome. If I was left to my own devices I'd be in and out in 30 seconds. I can spend 2 hours buying groceries and clothes and taking my time but sex shop? Hell dude, in and out in a hurry. In Vancouver we shopped at Womyn's Ware and they were awesome too though not much/any packs or stuff there. I haven't found a place here in Auckland yet if I want a new packer or harness or anything so I'm stuck with what I have so I'm going to make the best of it.
Anyway that's it for tonight.
Until next time.
Anyway. Not much is new. I talked Shan into getting another couple binders because I was wearing the first one every day. It also didn't have a great collar. It tends to bunch in front of my chest, right under my chin and it has a really annoying neckline. I HAVE to wear a crew cut shirt at all times which I find really obnoxious. So I got a t-shirt and a tank. They don't have the double compression but I double up on them and have a better neckline and more realistic looking shirt. I'm pretty stoked about that. I love my layers, but not when I can only do crew neck without looking like a tool.
I've been busy joining facebook and yahoo groups for queer and Trans. I'm really feeling like something beyond myself. I reached out to my cousin (who came out after I did- possibly because I did). He's adorable, 18 or 19 or something but from a VERY small town and a very religious family. I know he's having issues with his sexuality. I don't blame him really. I get what it's like to come out in a religious community. I personally am not religious nor have ever been a member of any church but I grew up with a lot of religious friends and so it's kinda similar. I more feel like he needs the help. So I offered to help him find some queer groups back home that he could join. He's much more social than I am so I really think he'll appreciate it 10 times more than I do. What's hilarious is he has a "lesbian" friend who I saw one picture of and was like "TOTALLY FTM!!!!" I laughed and asked him about her. She's apparently a lesbian. I give her a few years before she realizes that there's a difference but she TOTALLY had a guy's fashion sense.
Anyway. I decided to add a picture of me in my glasses. I have a story about that!
Okay so Shan and I have a Japanese car in NZ, it has stations 80-90 which gives us exactly 3 options to use our iTrip when we want to listen to our iPhones. We don't have a tape deck or auxiliary cable input or anything so it's iTrip or radio. The three options don't work in the city at all and phase in and out everywhere else. So we took the iTrip back and got a car stereo with an axuilary input. We then found out that our car does not physically have the ability to have a stereo put in. So I was at Warehouse (which is kinda like Target, Zellers, or Walmart depending on what country you're in) returning the stereo and I had to go to the security guard there. I had my new glasses on and he kept calling me sir. I was on cloud nine. I didn't say much to him, which is usually when people call me on being a girl but I can tone my voice lower in short bursts (thank you years of choir and a keen sense of faking accents and voices) and sound more masculine so I just grunted out one word answers and he never corrected himself. He said it THREE TIMES!
"Hello Sir."
"Hey" "Have a return?"
"Yup."
"There you go sir."
"Thanks."
"Just go over to the counter there and they'll help you. Have a good day sir."
I nearly danced a jig to the counter to get my money back.
Anyway long story short about the stereo, we found someone to do the auxiliary input and some other stereo tweaks for us for less than the iTrip. AND here's the pic.
Normally I spike my hair up into a bit of a fauxhawk but I felt a little lazy today so just brushed it to the side. I kinda like it like that and Shan does too. She doesn't like my hair down or in a "Ceasar" cut or as she calls it, the "ER George Clooney Douchecut" but she liked it like this.
Also I was snooping youtube. I don't think I have the courage to have a video blog yet *shivers at the thought* but there's a LOT of good FTM stuff. Like harnesses.
I have 2 soft packs from Babeland. Both are the Soft Pack (one medium and one large... the large I found to be ridiculously large.) I have the Cock Sock and the Mr Right Packing Strap. The Mr. Right I had when I had the large pack and the large one hung weirdly- almost folding over at the top since it wasn't anchored in at all. The Cock Sock doesn't work on the large one, only on the medium and only if I'm going commando or in boxers. This all leads me to Youtube. I'm going to try a do-it-yourself harness for a better fit. There's several videos of the double loop harness and I'm going to try that.
Yeah I don't mean to sound like I'm promoting Babeland at all. It's just THE shop I used when living in Washington and in Vancouver. It was the first sex store I bought anything from and they're very cool and laid back there. I'm SUPER uncomfortable in stores like that. Even if they're awesome. If I was left to my own devices I'd be in and out in 30 seconds. I can spend 2 hours buying groceries and clothes and taking my time but sex shop? Hell dude, in and out in a hurry. In Vancouver we shopped at Womyn's Ware and they were awesome too though not much/any packs or stuff there. I haven't found a place here in Auckland yet if I want a new packer or harness or anything so I'm stuck with what I have so I'm going to make the best of it.
Anyway that's it for tonight.
Until next time.
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